When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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