The best revenge is premature balding
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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