i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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