well I can't set my house on fire every night
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
