I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
