shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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