She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
