your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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