Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
