If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize