Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
