i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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