White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
