yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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