I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
