nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
