You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
