Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
