i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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