I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
