I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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