I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I think i got beer on your cat.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
