Taylor Swift is so right about you.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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