i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
