Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
