I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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