The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
