YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
