What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
this hospital has no fireball
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
