The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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