I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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