It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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