I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
