so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize