A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
