I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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