At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize