1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
