i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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