Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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