I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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