This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize