She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
