im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
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