i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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