I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
