tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
