the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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