nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
