i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
