her vagine was all disorganized.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
