just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This baby is an asshole
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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