I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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