I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
