sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
