dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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