I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
