i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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