If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
