Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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