I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I touched a dick in church today
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
