your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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