You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
